Here’s to 50 Years of Fails, Wins, and Wisdom!
Written by: Sian Bitner-Kearney
On December 19, I will have spent 50 years on this earth, and what a ride it has been!
Throughout my life, I have laughed, loved, and lost. I have failed more than I’ve succeeded. Confidence has always been a work in progress, and truth be told, I’ve probably spent more days doubting myself than most people will ever know.
I’ve sacrificed; I’ve been selfish. I’ve cried for days over heartbreak, and I’ve overindulged, celebrating the wins of myself and others.
I’ve been married twice, divorced once, and have a beautiful son to show for it. I am a daughter, a mother, a wife, a sister, a friend, a co-worker, and a nonprofit founder. I’m also a woman; a human, both flawed and fabulous.
While I am nowhere near the end of my learning journey, there are a few knowledge nuggets I’ve picked up along the way. Take from them what you will.
Invest in yourself as much as you do in others. It’s a harder sell, but the ROI is priceless!
Keep your circle small but your door open. I have two true to God, ride or die, know all my secrets friends. TWO. The rest? They somehow drift in and out exactly when I need them. Because sometimes you need soulmates who truly know you and will call you out on your bullshit, and other times you just need someone funny to share in a laugh and some good conversation.
Visit your parents as often as you can. There are no guarantees how long you will have them, and all the memories you’ve taken for granted over the years will soon be the only thing you have left.
Love is actually simple. Although depicted in movies as this passionate marathon of endless candlelit dinners and sex, true love is sometimes as simple as that one person who shows up when no one else will. Your hair is a mess, you have a zit on your face, and you are behaving certifiably insane thanks to life’s cruel occasional jokes. But they’re there, with a bottle of wine, a pack of Justin’s Dark Chocolate Peanut Butter Cups, and a hug that lets you know to breathe, it will all be okay soon. Yes, sometimes love is truly just that simple.
I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, and maybe that’s okay. I spent my 20s 100% convinced that I would be a famous actress by now. I spent my early 30s taking on every freelance writing job I could find because I just knew I’d be a successful journalist and working at the New York Times. I spent my early 40s leaning into corporate life and saying yes to every opportunity that came my way. I spent the last two years developing a nonprofit. None of it has gone in the direction I thought it would, nor was I even marginally as successful as I’d hoped. The truth is, I still don’t think I’ve found my true calling. Perhaps my 50s will reveal it.
Take care of your skin and body. Moisturize EVERYTHING every day! Drink your water and eat healthy whenever possible. Move as much as you can. Who cares if it’s an exercise class or just dancing in your living room? Movement is the key to longevity. Shake your butt every chance you get.
But also… eat the chocolate and drink the wine. Seriously, I would not have made it to 50 without both of these things. You can throw a slice of New York pizza in there, too, for good measure. All are sometimes just worth the calories.
Stop fighting so hard with your body. There’s nothing wrong with trying to improve it, and there’s nothing wrong with deciding to be happy with it exactly as it is. It’s YOUR body. Love it, make improvements when you want to, but regardless of your journey, be kinder to yourself. Your mind and your soul will thank you.
Laugh! Laugh to yourself, laugh with others, laugh even when no one else understands why it’s funny. Laughter may not be the cure for everything, but it makes tough situations a little lighter and life much more bearable.
Don’t give up. I’ve had countless days, especially this past year, when just getting out of bed felt like more than I could handle. You have to keep pushing. Get up, put one foot in front of the other, and do what you can every day. Some days will suck to the point that you’ll hate everyone and everything. Other days will remind you how sweet life can be. Control the things you can, let go of the things you can’t. No matter how many years you’re blessed to have, they are never enough, and you’ll realize soon how many of them you wasted on stupid things that never truly mattered. Do what you can, every day, to try and be happy and then help spread that joy to others!
Happy early birthday to me, and happy holidays to all of you. Here’s to 50 years!